TMI

You know what it stands for:  Too. Much. Information. People use that acronym to shame other people when they share intimate or gross details of their private lives – their digestion, their sex lives, their personal hygiene etc. But TMI is actually a serious point of contemplation and choice in my life. As anyone who has read my blog knows, I am a pretty open book. Many of my blogs have received the TMI stamp from the squeamish. I am also pretty sure that there are folks who read some of my personal stories and think to themselves, “If I did that, I would NEVER tell anyone on EARTH, let alone the internet! TMI, Michelle!” But for me, TMI is a conscious choice.

Here’s why. I believe in storytelling. I was raised by two storytellers. My parents are Pastors and public figures who have participated in public speaking since before I was born. I have watched them use storytelling as an artform to bridge the gap between themselves and their audiences. I have watched them both poke fun at themselves to bring an audience a belly laugh. I have watched them humbly share tales of their own personal failures to level the playing field. I have watched them lay bare their own heartaches and victories to offer a lifeline to anybody who might need their story. They have chosen to be courageous, vulnerable and honest with their audiences and therefore, so have I.

Is there really such a thing as too much information? You bet there is. I have learned this the hard way. A few times I have shared super personal details of my life with someone I did not have relational equity with and have seen my deets blabbed to folks I would not have chosen to have them blabbed to. A few other times I have seen my own story used against me as a form of betrayal by folks I DID have relational equity with. Even I myself have offered up too much of my own story to folks who were not ready for it in an effort to win their friendship and admiration, only to fall flat and have them pull back from me. (I’m  a WOO.) In these cases, the information was good but the landing pad was never as safe as I thought. Wisdom is required for the dispensing of our TMI.

And that is what we risk by being willing to tell our own story. We risk rejection. We risk folks pulling back from us. We risk being judged, sized up and disregarded.  I guess I have decided that I am ok with that. For me, the risk is worth it. I have decided to be ok if you think it is wrong that I drink alcohol and have a cussy side. I have decided to be ok if you judge me for having raged. I have decided to be ok with you knowing that I pooped in a hole. I have decided.

I have decided that vulnerability requires courage, risk and humility. I have discovered that my stories – funny, heartachy, disastrous or beautiful –  can build a bridge between me and another precious human. Sometimes the only good thing that can ever come from something terrible I have been through is that the story of it might be thrown as a lifeline for someone going through the very same thing. And isn’t that something we all want – to know and be known, to have someone come alongside us and say they understand our experience and that we are not alone. It makes us feel less crazy and opens up some square footage in our hearts for hope.

I say, let’s bring the world our stories. Let’s push against cultural norms and start answering honestly when someone asks us how we are. Let’s get off  the “what will people think” hamster wheel and tell them something true.

It’s risky and some people in your life will definitely not appreciate it. This weekend I shared some scary pieces of my own story to a room full of women. I felt shaky and sick to my stomach to be saying some of the things that I said out loud. Make no mistake, if you choose to tell your true story, you will have moments of straight up terror and scared-rabbit vulnerability for having said those things out loud.  And when that passes, you will begin to feel some relief from the pressure that an untold story has built up inside your heart.

I will continue to be a brave storyteller, chock-full of TMI and I hope it might inspire you to be a little more real, a little more honest, a little more TMI.