Hello my lovely readers! If you have any sons, even just one, I am writing today to help you. There are so many things we must teach our boys – how to aim for the toilet, how to treat a lady, how to tie a tie and change the oil in their car. Yet, even I, mother of three sons, so blatantly missed such a necessary area of instruction and mentorship. Let this story serve as a cautionary tale.
We were traveling musicians when our kids were younger and they are all seasoned road babies. We often had to take potty breaks in rather suspect Walmart bathrooms or nasty Texaco one-seaters, and our kids were tactically trained as to how to handle themselves in those situations. We taught them that public restrooms are actual cesspools of viral disease. We taught them never to touch anything in a public restroom with their hands, if they could help it. We taught them to elbow their way into a stall, flush with their feet and if the sinks looked used at all, to skip the hand washing and wait to be wiped down when we got back to the car. This is how we stayed healthy on long road trips and all four of them were pretty great at it.
One day, in Tyler, Texas, right before a show, I was in a small, public but clean restroom with one of my sons – who will remain nameless. I was washing my hands in the perfectly acceptable sink and I looked over to see him using the toilet. His hands were nowhere near the basin of destruction. The toilet seat, however, WAS IN HIS MOUTH! I shrieked and he glanced at me out of the side of his eyes since he could not move his head. He was mid-stream and there was literally nothing that could be done. He finished up while I stood there groaning and twisting my hands into pretzels. When he finished up he turned to me and said, “What?! I didn’t touch anything with my hands!”
He had me there. It had never even occurred to me that this was physically possible or I would have strongly warned against it!! What good is keeping your hands free of sewer spawn if you go on ahead and put the seat where actual butts sit right in your precious, innocent little mouth?
I made him hold his head in the sink while I flushed water into his mouth, just to make myself feel better and I looooonged for an S.O.S. pad. So help me, I would have used it on his mouth.
You don’t know what you don’t know. And now, YOU know. There is a period of time in a little boy’s life where the toilet-to-kid proportions are lined up to make this scenario possible. Be aware and be ready.
Please share this post to help educate other parents of boys on this dangerous phenomenon.
Yer welcome.
