IT’S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO LEARN TO SING

I am stunned by the conversation that has exploded over last week’s blog, “Quit Telling Your Kids They Can’t Sing“. I am passionate about this subject myself, but I had no idea that so many people would want to talk about this! Yesssss! I have learned so much from the comments people have posted, and some of those commenters are way smarter than me. Their educated comments have confirmed things that I  suspected were true and it is firing me up to explore so many different aspects of this topic. I will be researching, interviewing, speaking and writing about this more in the days to come.

Today, let me address a piece of this puzzle that I DO consider myself an expert on: adults learning to sing and the challenges they face. I have a large adult student base comprised of both men and women. I have learned that teaching adults is different than teaching children and teens, for the following reasons. 1)Most adult students are scared to flipping death and it takes a great deal of courage for them to even show up. 2) 9 out of 10 adult students have been spoken to unkindly about their singing , as a young person, and are coming back to reclaim something they once loved 3) If an adult can move past old “tapes” in their head and overcome their shame and fear, the positive results filter into many other areas of their lives.   Let me address each of the above points with a little more detail.

MOST ADULTS ARE SCARED                                                                                                                                       Once we grow up, we have a pretty set idea of the things we are good at and the things we aren’t good at. This can cause us to guard the places that we feel are weaker.  We  would only sign up for a singing LESSON if we felt we had some weakness in that area. The tricky part is, we don’t like exposing our weak places and singing is one of the most vulnerable things a person can do. The sound comes out of your face and you can’t take it back. You can’t blame a weird noise on an instrument malfunction or your cold fingers. It’s a sound that comes out of the inside of you. It’s bare naked and super intimate. It’s what you sound like. It’s similar to what you look like except that you don’t get to put any clothes or makeup on it.  I always assume that every adult student is pushing against fear of vulnerability to sign up and then to show up.

9 OUT OF 1O ADULT STUDENTS HAVE BEEN SPOKEN TO UNKINDLY ABOUT THEIR VOICE          This is proving to be the case with my adult students. I can see the faces, I know the stories. Brothers that hollar’d at them to stop. Mothers that told them they shouldn’t even bother. Friends that mocked them in front of other friends. Choir teachers that suggested they try study hall instead. When you are young, you believe what your family tells you. If they tell you that the stove is hot, you believe them. If they tell you there is a Santa Claus, you believe them. If they tell you that you are a horrible singer, you believe them. It may crush you to hear it, but you figure they must be right, or why would they have said that? When you are young, if any adult gives you unkind,  negative, critical feedback on something you are attempting to do, it will likely shut you down. If your friends make fun of you, you will be crushed and embarrassed. If you love singing and could never escape that desire, (despite the uneducated feedback) you might just be brave enough, as an adult, to go back and get something that you loved. Any adult student of mine who has to push past  the vulnerability of learning to sing as an adult AND old, unkind “tapes” that replay the hurtful things others have said to them has my ultimate respect and support. (Read why I think it’s not ok to tell a child they can’t sing.)

THE  RESULTS OF MOVING PAST SINGING-SHAME FILTER INTO OTHER AREAS OF LIFE        Here is the most beautiful discovery that I have made: conquering fear and shame in singing can lead to freedom in other areas as well. I have one student who told me she needed to do this for her kids, that they knew her story and they needed to see her go after something that she loved.  Every week she stood a little taller and made a bigger sound. By the time her session was over, she knew for certain that she COULD do something her parents had told her she could NOT, when she was a child. Another student battled crippling fear and anxiety in almost every area of her life. She says that finding her voice again in singing lessons has given her back power in other areas of her life where fear used to boss her around. She does public speaking now as well, which is a huge positive spillover! A particularly favorite student of mine (I know, we aren’t allowed to have favorites) has unlocked her access to music through her singing lessons. She had been ridiculed about her voice, as a child. She has moved so far beyond that now that she has sung in a recital, recorded some covers in our studio and even begun to write her own songs. If she had not taken a courageous step back to singing, she would have missed out on so much creativity and joy in her life. Another adult male student of mine with a buttery tenor was too frightened to sing without a chair to hold onto and is now singing a solo in a local theater company production, in the evenings, without a chair to hold onto. My dearest testimony is that of a beloved young adult student who struggled with severe anxiety and depression. She was literally trembling during her first lesson. She tells me that singing has saved her life. She practices like she is being paid to do it and earns every bit of her progress. She has entered (and placed in) a singing competition and auditioned successfully for a show. She tells me that her need for therapy has been cut pretty much in half and that she attributes that directly to singing.  She walks differently these days. She holds her head differently.  She is different.

I would argue that the same type of results can be achieved in someone’s life via sports, any other art form or any discipline that would require you to believe that you have potential. What we need are empathetic mentors who not only fully grasp the technical aspects of their areas of expertise but who also understand human nature, psychology and the power of childhood wounds.

I will champion any adult who wants to go back and retrieve the song that was taken from them in childhood. I am honored to get to walk with so many beautiful souls on this journey of finding their song again. If you are an adult who is toying with the idea of facing off with fear and shame and learning to sing, take heart! You can do this! It’s completely worth it! It’s authentic of you to go after something you know you love that you lost.  It’s not too late. You may have to work harder than you would have when you were a child but you also can boss your body around better than you could when you were a child. And the benefits outweigh the risks, if you have the right teacher. You can have your song back.

Next week I will give you some practical steps on how to get rid of  “old tapes” and diminish the power of fear over your life in regard to singing. I’m telling ya, this stuff lights me up!

If you would like to hear me sing, Barry and I will be doing a Facebook live concert tomorrow night, November 7th at 8pm CST on our Barry & Michelle Patterson music page. We have been taking online song requests for a few days now and we will be performing those requests live tomorrow night!

I also cordially invite you to check out  Indiegogo campaign my husband and I are running for our 20 years of music celebration album, aptly titled, “20”.

PS Please keep those comments coming! I am learning so much from you and loving the dialog on this subject!